A Somber Jest

Playing With The Date

2011-12-13T15:14:00.002Z

I decided to write this post just so it could be marked as ...

15:14 13/12/11

That's all.

Playing With The Date

2011-11-11T11:11:00.003Z

I decided to write this post just so it could be marked as ...

11:11 11/11/11

That's all.

Playing With The Date

2011-10-09T07:08:00.000+01:00

I decided to write this post just so it could be marked as ...

07:08 09/10/11

That's it.

Wish I Said That

2010-12-27T07:00:00.000Z

Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another.

Homer

Wish I Said That

2010-12-20T07:00:00.001Z

Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.

Author Unknown

Wish I Said That

2010-12-13T07:00:00.002Z

There's this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved.

Boy George

Wish I Said That

2010-12-06T07:00:00.001Z

There is no such thing as a moral or immoral book; books are well written or badly written.

Oscar Wilde, Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

Wish I Said That

2010-11-29T07:00:00.000Z

The world is not divided into sheeps and goats. Not all things are black nor all things white. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories. Only the human mind invents categories and tries to force facts into separated pigeon-holes. The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. The sooner we learn this concerning sexual behavior the sooner we shall reach a sound understanding of the realities of sex.

Alfred Kinsey, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, 1948

Wish I Said That

2010-11-22T07:00:00.004Z

I live my daydreams in music.

Albert Einstein

Wish I Said That

2010-11-15T07:00:00.002Z

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Playing With The Date

2010-11-12T14:13:00.002Z

I decided to write this post just so it could be marked as ...

14:13 12/11/10

That's all.

Wish I Said That

2010-11-08T07:00:00.000Z

When I have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.

Steven Wright

Wish I Said That

2010-11-01T07:00:00.001Z

An engineering professor is treating her husband, a loan officer, to dinner for finally giving in to her pleas to shave off the scraggly beard he grew on vacation. His favorite restaurant is a casual place where they both feel comfortable in slacks and cotton/polyester-blend golf shirts. But, as always, she wears the gold and pearl pendant he gave her the day her divorce decree was final. They're laughing over their menus because they know he always ends up diving into a giant plate of ribs but she won't be talked into anything more fattening than shrimp.

Quiz: How many biblical prohibitions are they violating? Well, wives are supposed to be 'submissive' to their husbands (I Peter 3:1). And all women are forbidden to teach men (I Timothy 2:12), wear gold or pearls (I Timothy 2:9) or dress in clothing that 'pertains to a man' (Deuteronomy 22:5). Shellfish and pork are definitely out (Leviticus 11:7, 10) as are usury (Deuteronomy 23:19), shaving (Leviticus 19:27) and clothes of more than one fabric (Leviticus 19:19). And since the Bible rarely recognizes divorce, they're committing adultery, which carries the rather harsh penalty of death by stoning (Deuteronomy 22:22).

So why are they having such a good time? Probably because they wouldn't think of worrying about rules that seem absurd, anachronistic or - at best - unrealistic. Yet this same modern-day couple could easily be among the millions of Americans who never hesitate to lean on the Bible to justify their own anti-gay attitudes.

Deb Price, And Say Hi To Joyce

Wish I Said That

2010-10-25T07:00:00.002+01:00

A dirty book is rarely dusty.

Author Unknown

Playing With The Date

2010-10-22T01:01:00.006+01:00

I decided to write this post just so it could be marked as ...

01:01 22/10/10

That's all.

Wish I Said That

2010-10-18T07:00:00.001+01:00

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Dr. Seuss

Wish I Said That

2010-10-11T07:00:00.002+01:00

On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.

George Orwell

Playing With The Date

2010-10-10T10:10:00.003+01:00

I decided to write this post just so it could be marked as ...

10:10 10/10/10

That's all.

Wish I Said That

2010-10-04T07:00:00.002+01:00

I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, "Well, hey, we don't have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?" I remember when I was a kid I'd always ask my mom: "Why don't we have a Kid's Day? We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but why don't we have a Kid's Day?" My mom would always say, "Every day is Kid's Day." To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can't you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner?

Rob Nash

Wish I Said That

2010-09-27T07:00:00.003+01:00

If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.

Author Unknown

Wish I Said That

2010-09-20T07:00:00.000+01:00

My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.

W. Somerset Maugham

Wish I Said That

2010-09-13T07:00:00.001+01:00

No one is free when others are oppressed.

Author Unknown

Playing With The Date

2010-09-08T06:07:00.011+01:00

I decided to write this post just so it could be marked as ...

06:07 08/09/10

That's all.

Wish I Said That

2010-09-06T07:00:00.000+01:00

It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.

Lucille Ball

Wish I Said That

2010-08-30T07:00:00.003+01:00

You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of niceness, I have no sense of right and wrong, no outrage, no passion.

Garrison Keillor

formspring.me

2010-08-27T08:54:00.002+01:00

Who, if anyone, is your favorite early 80s San Francisco dance scene artist (the Cowley/Sylvester/Loverde scene, so to speak).

Umm that's somewhat hard to answer seeing I was only born in 1982. And in the UK, so I was several thousand miles away. And I'm not a big dance music fan.
In fact I can contribute nothing to this at all. Sorry.

Ask me anything

Wish I Said That

2010-08-23T07:00:00.000+01:00

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"

John Stewart

formspring.me

2010-08-21T08:43:00.000+01:00

If you had access to a time machine, where and when would be the first place you travel to?

My first answer was the 1920/30's. I'm a bit of a fan when it comes to that period. If I took a friend we could Charleston to the music and drink champagne with the bright young things.

By I have a more serious answer now. I would go to 1981. My paternal grandfather would still be alive and I would get to meet him. He died just before I was born when a lorry came off the road and into the side of his house. By luck he was the only one killed (I say luck because my grandmother and two of my uncles were there at the same time. but had just gone into the other room a minute before it happened. If not, half my family would have been wiped out).

By all accounts he was a little weird as well. I think we would have got along great. But there is nothing like knowing for certain is there. Plus he had his own crazy phobia. He couldn't stand aliens or alien abduction storys. If something came on the TV about them he would have to go out the room.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-08-20T08:30:00.002+01:00

are you Bi or fully gay? i'm Bi, i mostley like girls (been with girlfriend for 8 years today) we have a open relationship so i get to go with guys and i love it. been bi since i was 14 (at least thats when i accepted it)

By a funny coincidence I was just playing with a quiz/questionnaire thing on the internet to check your sexual orientation on a chart.

Turns out I'm super gay.

Ok maybe just gay rather than super gay but I like to play with external genitals that matches my own.

Ask me anything

Wish I Said That

2010-08-16T07:00:00.002+01:00

When it comes to exploring the sea of love, I prefer buoys.

Andrew G. Dehel

formspring.me

2010-08-13T08:17:00.001+01:00

Do you think about me often?, From Bubba

I get your letters (and what you sent in that parcel) and look at them almost every day.

Also I think about you a lot in the shower.

Ask me anything

Wish I Said That

2010-08-09T07:00:00.000+01:00

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?

Ernest Gaines

formspring.me

2010-08-06T07:56:00.001+01:00

If you won a trip to go anywhere in the world for a week, where would you go?

I pick Japan.

Let's pause for a moment. I'm sure the shock of getting a straight forward answer was surprising.
I choose Japan mainly cause it's so expensive to go and stay there. I assume since I won this trip you will be paying for everything.

I would like so go cause there are some interesting sights to see. It would have to be a bit of a traveling holiday to fit in all I wanted to see but as long as I was enjoying myself I wouldn't mind.

I could also have picked...

Paris for the culture. It has so many museums and art galleries, with some of the worlds most famous paintings and statues.

New York for the shopping and nightlife. It looks like there is something new around every corner. Or should I say every block.

Rome for the history. A city that has the buildings of the past next to the buildings of the now.

Canadian wilderness for the hot lumberjacks. Yes I know it's a fantasy but it's my fantasy so don't spoil it for me. Now excuse me while I throw a mountie on the pile.

Ask me anything

Wish I Said That

2010-08-02T07:00:00.000+01:00

Labels? Okay, fine. I'm bisensual. Heteroflexible. And life-curious. That about covers it.

Morgan Torva

formspring.me

2010-07-30T14:40:00.001+01:00

Is there something you really want but in your hearts of hearts you'll know you'll never get it?

No. Cause nothing is impossible if you try hard enough or long enough. It might take years of hard work, or saving up, or trying your best, or picking yourself up after another failure but who cares.

Because when you finally manage to do it you get that rush of excitement and a thrill from saying "I told you I could do it"

If you let maybes and doubts and other peoples ideas about using your "common sense" stop you then you might as well do nothing.

I'm unstoppable (if I feel like it).

Ask me anything

It's Cool

2010-07-30T00:48:00.002+01:00

Years ago I used to live in a house on the other side of town. We had a massive renovation done and after it was finished it was decided that we needed a new fridge to go in our new kitchen. It was also decided that to keep the kitchen looking neat, and so that this fridge wouldn't stand out and be distracting as it was also a combined dining room, it should match the walls, at least in the kitchen area.

It was canary yellow. The fridge not the walls. The walls were a light golden yellow. I don’t remember what came first, deciding on yellow for the walls or this fridge, but if it had been a different colour there may have been some quick repainting going on in our house.

Our fridge was not only eye catching because of the colour. It was also huge. It was an American style fridge freezer. It was about five and a half foot tall and seemed wider than two people put together. It was also so thick it ended up just poking out a little more than the counter top. Any bigger and it would have been sent back as useless.

My mother had decided that our new fridge needed to be a big fridge but none of us could have imagined that we would end up with that one. It certainly caused comment. Whenever someone would come over, no matter who they were or what they wanted, they would always say something about the fridge.

But it couldn't last forever. One day I went to get some milk and as I reached for the bottle I found myself reaching for the door a second time. As it was falling away from me.
Something, I don’t know what, had happened to the hinge. If you pulled the door to hard or fast or sometimes just give it a normal tug, it would disconnect from the fridge. You could just slide the door back into place but at it was so big, and usually full of things on the inside, it was awkward and annoying to do. More than once making a sandwich or getting a drink turned into a ten minute struggle to stop the fridge contents from ending up at your feet.

But by then we were moving. The fridge was thrown away and a new smaller, more door stable fridge was bought. It sits in our kitchen doing its job and doesn't cause trouble. No one looks it twice or talks about it. It’s rather boring.

Wish I Said That

2010-07-26T07:00:00.008+01:00

One man's daydreaming is another man's day.

One man's daydreaming is another man's novel.

One man's daydreaming is another man's woman.

Grey Livingston

formspring.me

2010-07-23T09:16:00.001+01:00

Do you have a favourite sci-fi character?

Turns out I don't.

I tried to think who my favorite one was but I couldn't decide.

I have favorite characters from each Star Trek. I have favorite assistants from Dr Who (but not favorite Doctor as each one is good). Characters from sci-fi films. People from TV shows. Some from books.

Every time I picked one I thought of someone else who could take their place.

I suck at choosing.

Ask me anything

Wish I Said That

2010-07-19T07:00:00.001+01:00

No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.

Rita Mae Brown, speech, 28 August 1982

formspring.me

2010-07-16T14:59:00.001+01:00

At what age did you realize you were gay?

About 15.

It's a very silly story that I don't like to tell. Here it is.

I was online looking at porn (straight vanilla porn, not very interesting to be honest) when a pop up ... well popped up.

CLICK HERE FOR MEN it said

Except I read it wrong. I thought it said

CLICK HERE. FOR MEN (as in a site for men to view)

Next thing I know the screen is full of naked men. So I realised my mistake. Thought "oh silly me" and turned it off.

Then I turned it back on.

At first I said it was curiosity. But I was self aware enough to know something was going on. So I thought about it and said to myself "you know naked guys are kinda nice. But this is the first I've thought about it so let's not jump to an conclusions just yet. I shall continue to explore these new feelings but if I need to call myself something let's say Bi for now"

I never looked at the straight porn again. And after a little while I worked out why. I'm a big homo.

How I never thought of it before then is still a huge mystery to me. I mean I used to make my ghostbuster figures kiss and fuck. And looking back it occurred to me I had a crush on a boy from a TV show called Woof. I loved the parts where he would be running around naked (you didn't see anything but I liked the idea of it. I would dream of him sitting around with me in our underwear).

Ask me anything

Wish I Said That

2010-07-12T07:00:00.001+01:00

Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.

Gertrude Stein

formspring.me

2010-07-09T13:40:00.001+01:00

What kind of music did you like as a teen.

Mainly what I like now.

When I was in my teens I had a big thing for swing music and big band. It's unusual to find adults into that sort of thing, so when a teenage boy says it it would make people comment. I love that sort of music.

I had (and still have) quite a strange collection of music. Jazz is sandwiched between electric and dance. Pop next to opera. Punk next to classical. My musical taste is so varied you wouldn't believe it.

Now I don't like every song in every stye but I judge each song I hear in each style.

However I have never been a fan of rap, metal or r&b (the new stuff. The 60's stuff can be ok).

Ask me anything

Wish I Said That

2010-07-05T07:00:00.001+01:00

Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons.

Letter to the editor, The Advocate

formspring.me

2010-07-02T08:00:00.001+01:00

What the hell is it with you and the blender?

I only got it at christmas. And who likes it when something new gets broken.

The other reason was that when I looked on teh website they didn't have a blender jug that matched the one I cracked.

It's a matching set. If I bought the other jug it would stand out in a big way. Plus it would be a constant reminder. Sitting there going "you broke it, and I'm what you're stuck with".

Ask me anything

Wish I Said That

2010-06-28T07:00:00.001+01:00

Good men must die, but death cannot kill their names.

Proverb

formspring.me

2010-06-25T13:31:00.002+01:00

Do you think Wales should be allowed to govern themselves or are you indifferent to the whole issue?

i was asked this ages ago but kept putting it off cause it's such a complex issue.

The answer is .... maybe.

The logistics of having a (comparatively) small country like the UK having several independent governments would be (in my opinion) troublesome.

And I have an example that shows what happens when you have access to a way of like thats different from yours.

When the smoking ban in pubs came into effect people near the border started to drive to the next town or two rather than go into their own local pub cause the ban wasn't there yet. Those pubs became packed with a flock of new people who wanted to light up inside. The pubs with the smoking ban became quiet and in some cases almost empty.

Yes that sounds silly. And the ban was scheduled for everywhere so it all went back to normal in the end. But imaging that on a bigger level if two independent governments disagreed on something like tax rates. Or pensions. Or something silly like when your rubbish is picked up.

People have all sorts of opinions and they would try to pick from both. Each would have an ebb and flow of people trying to take advantage of both. You might think that's fine when it's just pubs but what if it started with other stuff as well. Like hospitals or schools. Three hundred people queuing for a place when you only have thirty. Or businesses moved for better deals on tax rates or employment costs.

But I do think that we should have some power over ourselves. We are different in some ways, with our own language, culture, traditions etc and so that should be reflected in what happens and respected.
I like our Welsh Assembly as it is, a balance of self and Westminster rule. Taking some of both and working together.

But I have no idea what they are doing. It's not like I pay attention or anything.

Ask me anything

Holiday Idea

2010-06-25T00:39:00.001+01:00

If you don't like the Muppet's then there is something wrong with you. Perhaps the only excuse I'd allow is a phobic hatred of puppets in general.
By the way if Rio had singing and dancing birds and animals I would be there in a shot. It's so much fun to watch it makes me want to retrain as a puppeteer.

Wish I Said That

2010-06-21T07:00:00.000+01:00

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.

Benjamin Disraeli

Favourite pizza toppings?

2010-06-20T03:25:00.001+01:00

I don't eat pizza.

But if you mean just something that can go on a pizza in general then the answer is pepperoni. I love that stuff.
Other people slice it up to eat, I get a knife and carve myself out a chunk to scoff down.

Then I go back for more

I dare you to question me

formspring.me

2010-06-18T08:00:00.002+01:00

What's your favorite kind of shirt?

Well to begin with it would have to be short sleeve. I have long arms so finding stuff that fits is hard (not huge arms, but a lot of stuff is just that little to short to wear). And since I don't have my arms covered often I end up feeling awkward when they are cause I'm not used to it.

Second would be the colour. I wear black in work so that has put me off wearing it in my private time. Luckily I happen to enjoy eye watering bright colours. But a normal bright colour would be ok as well.

But saying that I do have some (short sleeve) plad shirts I quite like.

Ask me anything

What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?

2010-06-18T01:26:00.001+01:00

Ok for other people, not my sort of thing. I mean sure I could go out/online and find a guy just looking to fuck around but I don't want that. At the very least we should have some sort of friendship. I mean fucking like crazy people could be fun but it would also be nice to talk a little before and after (during not so much. Unless it's directions or requests).

I dare you to question me

Second Hand Sex Aids

2010-06-15T08:00:00.004+01:00

Are you a massive whore?

Do you fuck a lot?

Are you hosting an orgy?

Do you want to make balloon animals for adults?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions then I have good news. While I was browsing eBay I stumbled across a listing for 144 condoms. Yes thats right, your favorite second hand auction site is selling contraceptives. 144 loose condoms are for sale. Loose because they don’t come in boxes, and not cause they have been used and you get a packet of unrolled damp latex. It’s just the foil wrapped condoms themselves.

I was shocked to find it. I had no idea eBay sold sex stuff as I thought it was against the rules (Casting my mind back I think it was actual sex toys that were banned not sex related stuff such as condoms). And it wasn't the only listing containing condoms. A few pages of contraceptives show up when you search for it.

Now is it just me or does it seem rather unpleasant to buy safe sex aids from eBay. There are other places online you can buy condoms from, but eBay isn't the first one that comes to mind.

I think it sounds risky (cause some people are fucked up enough to think it's a good idea to sell defective or sabotaged condoms as a joke or just for easy money) so I would rather buy mine from a shop.

Wish I Said That

2010-06-14T07:00:00.001+01:00

Freedom is the oxygen of the soul.

Moshe Dayan

iPut Things Off

2010-06-12T23:46:00.000+01:00

I suck at blogging.

The whole point of having a blog was to tell you what I've been up to. But whenever I start doing stuff that's interesting enough to blog about, I get distracted by it and don't get around to blogging about it. It's a terrible vicious circle.

So what excuse do I have this time?

The iPad came out the other week. And "coincidentally" the other week I went shopping. I did buy myself a few things and ... I lost track of time. For the last week all I've been doing is playing with what is in my lap. It's so much fun. All I've done is stroke it, slide my fingers around on it, tap on it (gently) and play with it for ages.

I also got myself a iPad.

formspring.me

2010-06-11T08:00:00.001+01:00

Careful what you wish for: What is your favorite sexual position and why? Compare and contrast all of your sexual experiences and rate them on a scale from Eww Gawd to OH GOD!

I think this is technically two questions.

The answer to what my favorite sexual position can change depending on who is doing what to whom. I mean eating your arse is a different thing to grinding our dicks between us. So I'll answer for each activity and you can have a nice comprehencive list.

I'm wonderfuly easygoing and polite but when it comes to sex I seem to be a bit of a dominant top. Yea I know, your shocked but it's true. So most of the positions I enjoy seem to have me in control or in charge or just totally self-indulgent to my pleasure.

If you thought I won't answer you have a lot to learn about me.

1) Oral

If you are going to blow me then I would like to be sat upon your chest. I do enjoy a man under me. And this way I also get the control of what you get, how much and for how long. I'm kinda a tease as well so slapping it along your face while you try to catch it is kinda fun as well.
If I'm blowing you then I want you on your back. That way I can tease your nuts as well. Plus I like to pay a surprise visit to your arse and crack with my tongue and fingers. Nothing like a surprise visit to wake you up.

2) Anal

I've only been the top (and not many guys jump into fucking on the first time. And with my dates lasting such a short time it's not a common thing for me) so this is a short answer.
On your back would mean I could watch you as we fucked. And I could lean down and kiss you as we fuck. Again cause you woudl be under me and in my control. But that sometimes leeds to cramp in your leg and thats not sexy. The other good way would be doggy style. I could grab your hips and get a good rhythm going and you get a reach around.
But if I ever get a date with a guy around my own hight it might be fun to just throw him against the wall and do him hard standing up. Hight difference makes that awkward in many cases.
As to getting fucked I would try it but it's just not happened yet. I think I'm more of a top but I'd swap with the right guy.

3) Masturbation

I like to jerk a guy off however I can. And he can do me in whatever way he wants as well. It doesn't make a lot of difference if we are sat down, standing up or in bed. If you get the right grip and position you can do it anywhere. Just like doing yourself. The only thing that makes a difference is if you're cut or uncut. Then certain grips work better than other. Plus that might also mean if you have to go get lube first.

4) Rimming

I love sliding my tongue up a guys crack and pushign my face right into his arse. After he has showered that is. I find it a lot easier to get in there when you're on your back. Cause you can lift and spread your legs for me and I can get in there. Or is that cause I happen to like big boys and they always have such large meaty arses.
Getting rimmed is nice to and I think one of the best ways would be me sitting on your face. Not only do you get to eat me but I can lean over and stroke your cock. Or suck it. Or if we are both flexible try to get to your arse as well.

5) Other

I like squeezing a guy close to me while we kiss. But its better when we are both naked and rubbing our dicks together.
Nipple play is an extra to a lot of the above. Lick them. Bite them (gently, I'm not into pain). It feels fun to have done to you and to do to you.
I'm not into fisting. I've seen clips and it was interesting but only in a how-do-you-do-that way rather than erotic.
Be a bad boy and I'll be daddy and have you over my lap for a spanking. And whatever else I feel like.

Now this is all based on what I've done. Perhaps it might al change if a new man shows me a new position or three. I don't think this list will stay teh same forever.
By the way asking me to rate each sexual encounters rather cheeky. I couldn't do that. Each was good and bad in its own way (luckily in most cases there was more good than bad). Plus I would never point out someone's shortcomings (or fast cumming) in such a public way.

Ask me anything

Wish I Said That

2010-06-07T07:00:00.001+01:00

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.

William Shakespeare

formspring.me

2010-06-04T08:10:00.001+01:00

Which is your favourite season of the year?

Autumn. It's cooler than the unbearable heat of Summer and warmer than the bitter cold of Winter.

I like the multi-coloured trees. I enjoy the slight breeze you get. You can wear a loose light jacket and be fine outside (I need the pockets and my winter coats are all big heavy things).

Plus all the weeds (such as nettles, brambles, thorny bushes, etc) die and you can walk around places without getting stung, scratched or hurt.

Ask me anything

Wish I Said That

2010-05-31T07:00:00.000+01:00

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.

Abraham Lincoln

formspring.me

2010-05-28T08:00:00.000+01:00

What do you hope to achieve in your writing ambitions?

Well in the beginning I just wrote for fun. I like telling storys and making things up and entertaining people with good fiction.

And yes people would say "you know you should send your stuff out and see if you can get published" but part of me just thought they were humoring me (because it was mainly friends and family and so they had to be nice). It's only recently that I discovered that yes in fact I do have a talent for writing. Other people can enjoy my stuff.

So I guess my ambition now is to get something published. To have a book published would be fantastic. Or a book of poems. Or a collection of monologs. Or have a play produced cause I don't just write short storys. Maybe a radio play. Frankly I'll try writing anything.
I'm writing a few things now that could get sent out in a hopeful way.

One for a contest that Alibi (the crime channel) is running for a crime story.

A short story that somehow turned into the beginning of a novel.

A collection of comic monologs.

Some poems.

And about fifty six hard core filthy porn storys (not all finished). Cause porn was the first thing I started to write and that's how I practice my writing.

Ask me anything

Holmes At Home

2010-05-25T23:29:00.051+01:00

For my birthday I got Sherlock Holmes (the 2009 one) on DVD. What with one thing and other I never went to see it when it was out in the cinemas and have been waiting for it to be released on DVD. I was also quite pleased with the fortuitous timing. It came out the day before my birthday, so I didn't even have to pay for it. I simply asked for it as a present.

I like mysteries (quite the understatement I love mysteries. My gods how I love a who-done-it) and I like Sherlock Holmes (Basil Rathbone is awesome in those films) so you can imagine I was quite excited to see this film. I sat down tonight looking forward to finally seeing it and pressed play. And I can say quite confidently it was ... awweeeuuuurrraaaaa.

That's a noise of struggling to find the right word. I have very mixed feelings about it. I can't review the film because I would have to spoil parts of it. And I can't talk about the parts I could tell you as they are to long and complex (or I'm just to lazy to type it all out).

Parts of it was fun, and it was quite mysterious and there were Sherlock Holmes type deductions but... I just don't know what I can say. It wasn't bad but it wasn't that good. I went from action film to comedy to something else and back again. It was all over the place, trying to decide what sort of film it wanted to be. I knew that when it came out it had mixed reviews but I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

I'm not saying you shouldn't watch it. It holds your interest the whole time it's on. I mean at no point was I wandering out of the room to get something while it was playing. And all the questions you have are answered at the end so it's a complete film. But it lacked something.

See I'm stuck because it is firmly placed in film limbo. To good to be bad, to bad to be good. But I would bet there will be a sequel.

Lost

2010-05-24T15:09:00.001+01:00

Last night, or rather at five this morning, the final episode of Lost was shown. And like so many other people, this morning on the stroke of five I was upstairs, wrapped in a blanket, asleep.

I've never been into Lost. I was going to watch it when it first started but, due to bad planning and forgetfulness, I missed the first two or three episodes. I tried to catch up but after ten minutes turned it off. I was already way behind and didn't have a clue on what was happening and that was only on the fourth episode.

I could have borrowed it on DVD and caught up, except after a while it slowly fell out of favor with me. So by the time it came out on DVD I had lost interest. People would say things about it, each time getting more and more fanciful or crazy or just plain confusing and weird.
In the end I just gave up on it and watched other stuff while you all got worked up over a mysterious island.

However let's not forget I'm nosy. I still want to know how it ended just so I can say I know. I just read the quick synopsis online about the last episode and all I can say is .... what the fuck?

I thought there would be more explanation than that.Then I had to remind myself it was only shown this morning. All the people who obsessively fill out the details on sites like wikipedia (who's featured article of the day was about Lost. What a shock) are all watching it again for the ninth time, making detailed notes and pointing out the plot holes and flaws so they can send off letters of complaint.
But the main problem I had reading it is that it referenced things that have happened already. And since I don't know who is who, or what happened, or what that is, I can't follow what they are talking about.

I've read it and I'm still lost.

Wish I Said That

2010-05-24T07:00:00.003+01:00

What are you trying to protect heterosexual marriages from? There isn't a limited amount of love in Iowa. It isn't a non-renewable resource. If Amy and Barbara or Mike and Steve love each other, it doesn't mean that John and Mary can't.

Ed Fallon

Awarding

2010-05-23T14:00:00.031+01:00

I did start a post about this on Wednesday but it was so long and complex I scrapped it and started another. That was then scrapped for this one. And frankly this one has been rewritten about three times.

The problem was I kept trying to do them in the early hours. I was usually very tired so they ended up a little ... complex. But this one will be much more readable. Mainly because I've cut the whole thing down to the bare minimum.

Last Wednesday night for the Adult Education Awards in our area. I went along as academic award ceremonies are well known for the wild time and fun they produce. Oh and I was up for an award.
I had been nominated by my sign class for "Learner of the Year". When they told me I was shocked. I didn't vote for myself (I mean you could, but even I don't have an ego that big) so when I found out the majority of the class had voted for me I was so surprised.

I wasn't the only one waiting to see if i had won something. I had to sit there and watch awards for the best young learner, old learner, best welsh language learner, best class and best family of learners. But each group had several people going for it. And each person had to come up on the stage to collect their certificate or award. It takes longer than you would think. Luckily just as it started to drag it was almost over. Just the last award to go (my dad joked mine would be last and it was).

But first we had a break so the harpist started playing again. She was so good she made it look dead easy. Like anyone could just get up there on the stage, grab the harp out of her hand and start playing themselves. She explained what she was playing and why and we were all captivated.

Then it was my turn. I didn't win the award. I got a certificate of recognition with two others but missed out on the main prize. The main award in fact went to two people as it was a tie. I don't remember what they were doing but the guy was kinda cute.

All in all it was a fun night. Yes I didn't get the main award but at least I was nominated. And I still want to carry on learning more sign language. And next time I'll just bribe the judges and win that way.

formspring.me

2010-05-21T08:00:00.000+01:00

If you won a million dollars what would you do with it?

Well the first thing I would do is go exchange it into british pounds. That works out (roughly) to about £626,573.25.

After that I would buy a small shop to start up my own tearoom business. I'd liek to run my own shop one day and I like making cakes and that so a tearoom would be ideal.

A small house to live in. Perhaps a nice flat. Somewhere I could call my own. I could furnish it in my own style and have a nice place to live.

And a car I could fit in. Nothing fancy cause it would be wasted on me. I've never been one for flashy cars. As long as I have leg and head room I'm happy.

I would start up a high yeld, low risk investment account so I had a steady income for the rest of my life.

Then after I get all the practical stuff out the way I'd go to Las Vegas and have fun.

Ask me anything

Birthday Countdown

2010-05-19T08:00:00.012+01:00

Only 363 days to go till my birthday.

Oh come on, you know I was going to say it.

Rewind My Age

2010-05-18T23:08:00.000+01:00

I feel so OLD.

I went to my sign language class night out (it was just coincidence that it happened to be on my birthday. Coincidentally it's also the birthday of someone else in the class. She has the same year as me as well so that's even more bizarre) and it was fun up until a point.

We somehow got onto old records and tapes and the youngest person in the class (she is about ten years younger than me) said that when she found some old videos and music cassette tapes for the first time in so many years she was at a loss on what to do with them. She was so used to CD's and DVD's she had almost forgotten they existed. Never mind how to use them.

Yes that part did me feel old but it got worse.

We laughed and said they were all the rage once. And then she said she couldn't believe people used to have personal CD players. Walking around with a mini CD player strapped to them. And how crazy it was as you still had to take all the CD's with you. Someone said yes it seemed silly now. And then asked the question that made me feel old. They asked about her opinion on Walkman's.

She didn't know what that was.

We had to explain about personal cassette players. And then for a minute she thought we were making it up. At that moment I suddenly felt a lot older than I was. I had a Walkman when I was younger. And I remember thinking it was fantastic that I could hear music anywhere I wanted to.

I feel so OLD.

Pro-Homo Day

2010-05-17T23:05:00.001+01:00

Today happens to be International Anti-Homophobia Day. So go hug a gay and say it's ok. Because if you don't, when we take over the world (it's true, we gays do secretly plot to control the world) it will be you getting your face kicked in down that dark street.

Or perhaps we can ban the straight people from doing certain jobs (to protect the children from their evil ways). I'm kidding as you all know, such extreme actions wouldn't be used.
We would just pass laws and take legal action to control/mortify/ban/outlaw/degrade/exclude/restrict you (delete as appropriate).

That will make a nice change won't it.

In all seriousness homophobia is a massive problem. Maybe you don't even know you're doing something that a lot of people, in the very least, find highly annoying.

Now you might think "I'm cool with you sucking cock or whatever so this has nothing to do with me" but you're wrong. Homophobia can affect anyone. There have been cases in the past where a straight person has been thought of as gay and threatened, attacked, hurt or even killed. Just because you happen to be straight doesn't mean you are immune to the actions of others.

It is important for us all to stand together and say NO to homophobia.

Birthday Countdown

2010-05-17T08:00:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow is my birthday. Hope you got my cards and presents ready. Cause if you don't, and I get nothing tomorrow, I'm going to PULL OUT YOUR INSIDES AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR LUNGS.

Just so your ready for it.

My Darkest Secret

2010-05-16T01:28:00.000+01:00

I have a secret. Perhaps the biggest secret I have ever had. It would shock and confuse you. Some would look at me with slack jaws and blank stares. But I think the time has come to confess it.

I am ...

No, never mind it's to ... I shouldn't have said anything. Ignore what I've ... No I must tell someone. If I tell you perhaps I can get help for it.

I am ... I am a ... I am a secret romantic. Yes it's true, I'm a big soppy fool. And you wonder why I don't tell people about it. Cause romantics are thought to be idiots that's why. We are characterized as pushovers, with huge silly smiles that are only rivaled by those who have received home made lobotomies. It's not true of course. Why just the other day I was laughing at a joke about dead babies. Not the sort of thing romantics are thought to do. We should shit rainbows and kittens the way some people describe us.

My favorite sort of film or story ending is a ... well a good one. Sometimes it's happy and sometimes not (it depends on what sort of story it is) but for the purpose of this post let's assume all endings are happy endings shall we. I like happy endings as it makes you feel like the couple at the end will be just fine. And no doubt will start screwing each other in several unnatural ways as soon as the credits start to roll.
I guess my enjoyment of romantic storys stems from my lack of romance in real life. So I fulfill my romantic quota by second hand romance.

I read the more romantic porn (where they know each others names and stick around after they fuck to talk). I like the ones based on two people meeting and falling for each other and becoming a couple. However the ones with mindless hard core fucking is good as well.
I like romantic comedy films. Not stupid ones. I still want to laugh. But if it's done right there is something there for everyone to enjoy. I also enjoy will they/won't they romantic subplots in TV shows. I mean as much as you can, because you also know dam well that they will at some point so why string it out without a good reason.

Strangely I dislike romantic songs. They just irritate me.

formspring.me

2010-05-14T08:00:00.001+01:00

Do you run the Bubba twitter and talk to yourself?

If I did I wouldn't have him be so shy.

I'd have that man (for in my head he is a rough, barrel chested, hairy american country boy) saying things that would shock you all.

But sadly no, I don't have the Bubba twitter account.

Ask me anything

Mothers Day

2010-05-13T22:22:00.001+01:00

It's my mothers birthday today. So what do we all say?

Happy birthday mam.

Not that you will see this message as you don't know what my blog is called. Or where it is on the internet. Or that I have a blog to begin with.

I mean come on, with some of the stuff I talk about. I'm not stupid enough to talk about it with my family.

Buck Angel

2010-05-13T00:18:00.000+01:00

I was talking to someone on Twitter the other day and I made a joke about looking up the Queens dress only to see her going commando. This lead to another joke in return about things opening up while you were looking. I replied by saying the only pussy I'd want to watch open was the one on Buck Angel (the FTM porn star who is a buff, hot, tattooed man. You see him and you just go woof). My friend and I then sat talking about how great Buck was.

Who knew Buck Angel had a twitter account.

I could have died when he sent a message to me. If it wasn't for the fact that he was laughing and said thanks for calling me hot I might have. Thinking about it why wouldn't he have one. I mean everyone else does. I think this should serve as a reminder that what I say on Twitter isn't private between friends but for the whole world to see (if they search for keywords or have the unfiltered main feed on).

Anyway as I was saying (before he made me run away blushing) Buck is an interesting man. Not only is he hot (he is, so it's worth mentioning twice) but he also started his own business, won several awards, seems quite friendly and has had a very interesting life.

For more information try reading his blog or his (other) blog. Or maybe this site, or if you're interested try this one or if you still use MySpace. Or be boring and just use wikipedia. I would have just done one or two links but I couldn't choose what to pick so I just did them all.

And if you're not yet convinced how about a video clip.

Hung Parlament

2010-05-11T13:42:00.002+01:00

Personally I am quite disappointed by the hung parliament. All we have had for the last few days have been news reports about who will get to be the PM. But this topic of conversation also spread to my friends and total strangers. I was on tenterhooks for ages waiting to hear what I was expecting.

But I was so disappointed. I raised my hope up only to have them dashed again. I was expecting to be told some good quality dick jokes. But all I'm getting is serious political comenty. I mean come on, they give you a good start with the word hung in there already.

I've only found one maybe two jokes about it. And frankly one of those was bad and the other was quite complex to work out (it was kind of a pun but they did it by inferring something else. It took me a minute to wok it out).

I am disappointed in you all. I hope next time you do a lot better.

Birthday Countdown

2010-05-11T08:00:00.002+01:00

My birthday is a week today. I'm already getting excited.

Wish I Said That

2010-05-10T07:00:00.001+01:00

The next time someone asks you, "Hey, howdja get to be a homosexual anyway?" tell them, "Homosexuals are chosen first on talent, then interview... then the swimsuit and evening gown competition pretty much gets rid of the rest of them."

Karen Williams

Chalk For Children

2010-05-08T23:04:00.006+01:00

Last night I was sat hearing SHaFT (Super Happy Fun Time) when someone said something about clowns and maybe something about drinks. I don’t what triggered it but in a flash I was transported back in time. Not physically, I mean I don’t have a TARDIS stashed under the stairs (I wish) but in my head I was suddenly back about twenty years. And something I had forgotten about for years came back to me with total clarity.

But first a little explanation. When I was young there was a cartoon clown called Charlie Chalk. He was on TV with his own show but that’s not what I knew him for. I mainly thought about him when we went to a “Charlie Chalk’s”.
Someone connected to the show had struck up a deal with some family bar/food places and had built indoor and outdoor play areas for children. But quickly (in my family at least) saying let’s go to a “Charlie Chalk’s” was our generic name for a family pub with a play area.

But there was a official Charlie Chalk’s near us. Sort of. The place had an outdoor play area but when Charlie Chalk moved in they also started building a new indoor play area. And every time we went there, I got more excited as I read the words “coming soon” on the signs and watched the shapes behind the dust sheets grow.

I couldn’t wait. I loved play areas and parks (maybe I still do but adults don’t have a lot of play areas with slides and climbing frames or roundabouts). I could spot a play area or a park or something else I liked, hidden behind trees, around the corner, from a moving car, going 50 mph, without even moving my head to double check. When I want to I can be frighten observant. As testified by my parents who couldn’t take me anywhere without me suddenly pointing out every place I wanted to go.

And finally the day came. We went out and stopped at Charlie Chalks on the way home. And outside was a brand new sign saying the play area was open. I flung the car door open and almost ran inside. At last my waiting had paid off and I couldn’t wait to see what it was like inside. As I got closer I saw it. It was like a multi coloured fun house built for children. It had slides dropping into a ball pit. A second level with almost secret door like parts. Ropes and climbing parts. With that first look I was in love. I rushed right up to the entrance and saw what else it had. A sign, that said “You must be this short”.

They had a maximum height limit. And I’ve always been tall.

I have never been so crushed and depressed than I was at that moment. After all that waiting, all my pent up excitement, I was banned from entering it.
I sat at our table with my back to it for the rest of the time we were there (not that long as the whole reason for us going there was that I had nagged my parents to visit it to see the new play area. And they knew how much it had upset me and how I was certainly not having fun. So we left).

I hate Charlie Chalk.

Vote

2010-05-06T21:59:00.000+01:00

As you might have noticed it is election day here in the UK.

What with one thing and another this years election has been talked about everywhere. So frankly I can't wait till it's all over. I'm just sick of hearing about all the different partys, and what people think about them, and who did what, and how they would have done it differently, what they will do if in power and ....

It drives me right up the wall.

But, that's not to say I don't care. I always vote in every election. In fact I've only ever missed one. That was for a local election a few years ago. I went out with a friend and didn't remember it was voting day until it was to late. Time I got back the polls were closed.

But this year I am ready. So ready I recoded myself doing it.

Listen!

May Day May Day

2010-05-03T23:39:00.003+01:00

I love May Day.

I guess I mean both of them. You know, the first of May and then the first Monday. I mean yes that's two days (most of the time) so some might say I should only pick one to talk about but ... well screw you. It's my blog so I get to talk about what I like.

Something about it makes me think of my grandparents (on my mothers side). I have no idea why. I don't think it's the anarchy demonstrations. Or morris dancers and maypoles. But something about May Day always makes me think about them.

It might be the whole mayday distress call thing. You see my grandfather used to be in the navy during the war, so he learnt about radio calls and compass points and map reading and that. He also went deaf. Not totally, but enough so you had to speak very loudly sometimes. That's what happens when you stand around firing navel guns.

I also like May Day as it's the beginning of what I call my birthday countdown. In about two and a half weeks I shall be another year older. Yay me.

Wish I Said That

2010-05-03T07:00:00.000+01:00

It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you.

Author unknown, sometimes attributed to M. Grundler

Is That A Secret?

2010-05-02T23:00:00.001+01:00

So I'm quite open in ways I shouldn't be. I mean topics not physical places. If people ask me questions I answer honestly. I could lie (and I'm good at it when I need to be) but I don't bother for a few reasons.
One being you have to remember the lies you tell in case you are called upon to repeat them at a later date. We all know of someone (be it real or fictional) who have been caught out by not being able to keep their story straight. My memory is bad enough at keeping track of what has actually happened so let's not confuse it with fake memories as well.
The other reason is sometimes you get more of a reaction to the truth than anything you could have made up. The shock and surprise people display at having the truth said to them is so entertaining. It's like they never expected to hear the answer to "how are you" to be "shitty and in a foul mood".

This means that in general I answer any and all questions people ask me. Sometimes it's funny and entertaining sometimes it's more serious. But I enjoy honesty as at least you know where you stand. I don't like fake sympathy or falsehoods from people. The worst is people who claim to be my friends then talk about me behind my back (there is NO story behind this statement. Ignore it and carry on).

I rather anything you have to say was all said to my face so I know what you think. At least then even if you find out someone doesn't like you there is no deceit and you can deal with things properly rather than have false hope or be strung along while they think of a nice way to ditch you.

So what secrets do I have left to tell if I can't keep my mouth shut.

Everyone knows I hate cheese but sometimes I'm a little jealous of people who like it. If I liked it I might be able to eat pizza and I could be one of those people who sit around with friends with a slice and talk about stuff. Or just not worry about eating something with it on and then vomiting spontaneously everywhere.
I don't do casual sex. I might be a flirt and a tease and have a filthy mouth but I can't do sex without some sort of connection. And I'm upset/angry when people take no as my answer and go off to find someone else rather than spend time with me to get that connection. That's not the secret because everyone knows that. The secret is sometimes I feel like I'm the one at fault cause I said no. Having people act like your extra strange cause you don't fuck every man you know is rather off putting.
I'm shit at making friends in real life. I find it hard to trust people sometimes as I have been betrayed by past "friends". And after school and collage most of my old ones moved away and we lost touch. I could count the ones I have left on my fingers. I wish I had more. But I take comfort in the fact that the ones I do have are real friends. People who like me because I'm me and not cause they want something or they think they have to be my friend for some reason.
Those are all rather sad secrets so let's get a weird one in to lighten the mood. I have dream characters. Five or six fictional people that I cast in different roles in my daydreams to kick start my imagination. They always look the same but like actors they take a different role every night.
Sometimes I fantasize about running away and starting a new life somewhere else. Kind of like witness protection but with less people trying to kill you.

So there are a few secrets I have. I'm sort of stuck on what else to say so if you have any questions send them to me and prepare yourself for a truthful answer.

Value Your Own Family

2010-05-01T22:00:00.002+01:00

How can I put this. If you use the term “family values” and you're not using air quotes as you say it, you're not going to enjoy this blog. Mainly because I noticed that the people who use terms like "family values" usually call themselves something like "concerned citizens/parents/do-gooders" and that usually just means trouble.

“Trouble? I think you made a typo there” I hear you say. Sadly no. You see those people are also the ones who think they know what’s best for everyone. And since they’re convinced they know what’s best, they’re usually the ones pushing their own ideas, agendas and values onto other people, with no thought about what we might enjoy, feel or think for ourselves.

And that’s what I don’t like. If I’m not harming myself or anyone else how is my private life any of your business. How dare you tell me what I can/can't do and what I should/shouldn't enjoy. Not that common sense stops them from trying.

They dislike pornography and call for it's ban. Claiming it damages you or that it’s immoral and degrading. I love porn and collect it to ... enjoy at my leisure.

They want everyone to act/think/be the same. That the differences between us means we are somehow wrong or broken. I act/think/am different. In so many ways. And I‘m fine with that (more than fine I love being different cause it makes the world more interesting for me. And you).

They think being with someone of the same sex is wrong and call it immoral and evil. I'm a big homo. Sorry I was going to write more there but I got distracted thinking about sexy men. What was I saying again?

Ok I remember now. There were a few more examples but I couldn't be bothered to type them out. Partly because I’m lazy but mainly cause I don't want to give those kinds of people any more space on this blog than I need to. And that’s where this blog come in. All those people, groups, clubs and organisations that oppose me, they need to know this.

I‘m not going to change or disappear if you shout loud enough. I won‘t hide or be ashamed of who I am. I’m gay. I’m tall. I’m different. I like sushi. I hate having my hair cut. I want some biker boots. I have a huge phobia of … something. I exist. I‘m real. I am a man, sat on the sofa typing away on my laptop.

And I’m not alone.

There are others out there. People who, for what ever reason, feel like they don’t fit in. Who are different. Who feel like the odd one out. In some other part of the world or just down the street someone might be worried that they are just not like everyone else.

That’s why I started blogging again. It can give them hope. Hope that they can do it as well. And how all those people, who tell them they are sick or wrong or evil or sinful or wicked or bad or a disgrace or any other bullshit are the ones who are wrong. And they are the ones who are right.

And that there are others out there who are just like them. And one day perhaps they could find themselves wring a blog of their own. Telling people how a total stranger, with funny posts and a strange way of looking at the world, made their day, perhaps their life, a little more bearable. And helped them in some way.
So how do we deal with those people who are frankly just cocks. The ones who claim the world is ending because I can marry a man (any takers).

We do it with a smile. Because we have that pleasant thought that their comeuppance will happen at any moment. They act so virtuous and holier-than-thou but those are the people with the most shocking skeletons in their closet.

How many in the past have been outed as being crooks. Ripping off thousands of people for millions. Or having a secret child from a long term affair with a secret mistress (or three). Or having a serious drug problem. Or renting hookers for the real dirty nasty kind of sex. Or just something rather mundane like being gay.

Then we all get to point and laugh. Some might sneer. Some almost explode with rage. It's not what they get caught doing that's angered us. It's the hypocrisy. Campaigning against what they are secretly doing behind closed doors. But we do get that thrill of seeing them fall off their home made pedestal and into the gutter.
If you do happen to be one of those interfering busy bodies who have nothing better to do than try to tell the rest of us how to behave then I do have something to say to you.

Fuck off.

Blog Test 2

2010-04-18T22:39:00.000+01:00

If I have done it correctly I can now automatically send a link from the blog to twitter. This means that when I post something everyone can see it come up.

The down side to this is that they may click to see what I've posted and come face to face with a picture or a video clip they didn't want/expect to see.

I'm talking about cock pics just so we are clear.

If you can't handle seeing a dick then ... I don't know. I mean can you not stand to accidentally see a naked man every now and again or are you to childish to accept that men have dicks and that's what they look like.

Blog On The Move

2010-04-02T12:47:00.002+01:00

Testing, testing, can you hear me.
I should be able to post from my phone as well as in the computer.

Contact

2010-03-29T13:23:00.000+01:00

Testing, testing. One two three.

Can you hear me?